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  • Juliette Angelo

Who Cares What People Think

Seriously, who cares?

I have been called a lot of things. (Some of which will live on the internet for all of eternity). This used to bother me - trigger me even - but the older I get, the more I do not care how people view me. If you think I am naive, aloof, arrogant, delusional, pretentious, so what? I know who I am, I know I am not any of those things. When people judge you, it is just a projection of their own insecurities, or their own inability to accept reality. It has nothing to do with who you are, and everything to do with who they are.

I have been a professional doormat my entire life. I lived for everyone else, I altered my own beliefs to appease others (Los Angeles has a way of doing that to a person), and I never once felt like I had any sort of identity. I was a mess of everybody else, and depending on the person I was with, adapted my own personality to what would make them comfortable. I have been the quiet girl, the obnoxious class clown, the downtrodden pessimist, the annoyingly positive optimist, the Conservative, the Liberal, the Republican, the Democrat. (Politics are stupid). I was constantly acting, even when I wasn't acting. My life was a performance. Every day I was a different character. It was exhausting.

Even when I was writing some of my past blogs, I asked myself: Can I say that? Would that be acceptable? Would people like me? Is that too risky? I caught myself second guessing my own thoughts. Like when I was younger, I was confined to this little box, if I step out of it, there might be a problem. The more I write, the more I do not care. These are my thoughts, it's fine if you don't like them. Go find some you do.

I am so deeply rooted in myself I do not even mind when people disagree with me. In the past, I would backtrack, apologize, and say they were right. Then proceed to overwhelm them with kindness. I was terrified of being disliked. Now, I love setting boundaries, I love telling people no, I love calling out people who have taken advantage of me. When you haven't been allowed to say no in the past, it becomes your favorite word. 'No, I don't believe in that. No, I don't like you. No, you can't have my number.' It never gets old.

Maybe it is because of the new year, or maybe there is simply something in the air, but I have never been more delighted to be myself. I love going out to a bar and telling people I am sober. I love being me. I used to be so morbidly insecure, I would pray every night to wake up as someone else. In a way, I guess I have, but instead, I have just woken to my authentic self. Everything I did not like about myself was just what people taught me not to like. Tell a smart girl she is stupid, and she will believe it. Until she realizes that she was only told she was stupid because of how smart she was.

I was so insecure in my own skin, I desperately needed people to tell me I was pretty. Every time I went out, I dressed for others, never for myself. Now, don't get me wrong, it is nice to be told I am attractive (although I prefer the more intricate compliments, someone recently told me I reminded her of Joy from Inside Out, which was awesome) (also any guy telling me I am pretty is that much more amplified by a southern accent and a pair of Wranglers, but I digress); however, the older I get, the less I care about how I look.

I enjoy getting ready, I take care of myself, I love being a girl, but I am not self conscious anymore. I am not constantly searching for someone to tell me I am attractive. Who cares? I love the way I look, because I love who I am as a person. That internal confidence radiates. (Or maybe it's because I went blonde.)

I hardly think of anyone but myself anymore. Not in a selfish way, just in a 'why do I care so much about what other people are doing' way. I am too entertained by my own life to put that much thought into others. They are on their own soul journey, why am I constantly scrutinizing their every decision? The more energy I put into thinking about other people the less energy I put into myself. I am not going to say we only have one life (because I do not believe that, I am an old soul through and through), but why waste time thinking about others when there is a whole world to explore? Life is a gift.

Recently, I was met with someone who had a lot of questions about life, and I couldn't even muster up the energy to engage. I used to be the anxious ball of questions... What is the meaning of all of this? What is next month going to bring? How am I going to make this happen? What is going on with this world? Is God real? Now, I don't even think about tomorrow. I don't live with a list of questions. The Universe has a plan, and it is a great one.

Open up your heart to the unknown. There is so much beauty in this world... abundance, enjoyment, fun. All you have to do is get out there and claim it.

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